pointe of no return

the past year was quite an adventure. us ballet grandmas working our asses off to get back in shape for the 25th anniversary concert of the quezon city ballet.

everyone said i lost weight, except the weighing scale. for 1 year i was dreaming of looking good onstage, technically and aeshetically. i may nothave trimmed down in size, but everyone said i was still good and as if nothing changed in my dancing.

it was an adventure indeed. i risked of getting fired at work for leaving early and things out of place all the time. my husband and i couldnt agree on a suitable schedule on weekends, bec we dont have a stable babysitter. i was short for cash towards the end because of all the cab i took to and fro every night. my kids longed to see me so instead they wrestle me in their half awake state at the wee nights...

theres all this drama shit in the studio.

but despite all those, being back on stage lit something inside me. after i abruptly quit in 2005, i longed for the performances and late night rehearsals, but silently.  as i became a mother, i was secretly wishing my daughter to continue the ballet i loved my whole life and dance the roles i dreamed but never performed. i was dancing in my head day and night for the past 8 years. no exag.

and the show may be over, but i swear on my dead toe nails, that i will dance again.

its just a lot more complicated being a mom, working, and all that. give me time, ill figure it out. 8 years was long enough not to plie and grand jete.

christmas is coming

my daughter had been doing the countdown since in the teevee it said its 100days left.  every morning as she is preparing for school she will tell how many days left there is.

i still dont want it to be christmas.  for one thing, i dont know if my parents will be here.  im secretly wishing they will be.  but with the state of economy in the US, my dad cant guarantee if he can come home.  i know my mom wants to come and maybe she will, maybe she wont.  but its still not the same without my dad.

second, i still havent saved enough for presents.  my husband and the kids are big on presents.  and i dont have the slightest idea yet what to get them.

third, this year just felt like a drab.  a total drab really.   a lot of people im still not in good terms with.  

fourth, i had this secret hope i will be back to my thin self by december.  but hello, im nowhere near there.  

fifth, i just dont like holidays anymore.  i dont know why.  its not because after christmas its my birthday.  christmas lost its spirit in me already i guess.  the religious in me is non existent at the moment.  though i should get myself together atleast for the kids so i wont ruin it for them.  

i still got it!

last saturday i joined the pointe class in HC.  it has been exactly 7 years since i last wore pointe shoes.  though i gained an awful lot of weight, i know my legs and feet are still strong to handle pointe work.  not being mayabang but i just know it. :D

7 years ago, i last wore Vaganova 4 XX H.  thats a size 4, width 2 (realy narrow and tapered toe box) with a hard shank.   i used to be the only one in QCB to wear grishko's back then since they were really hard and noisy.

now 7 years after, last july, i went around the limited dance stores in manila and couldn't find the perfect shoe for me.  most of the store attendants were unhelpful.  and i was looking for Russian Class entrada or pollete but of course, it wasn't available here.

so i settled for Grishko 2007 5 XXXX M.  when i fit it in the studio, they fit perfectly on my feet.  a little too wide on the box compared to what i was used to dance with, but hey, the shank felt good.  and it molded to my feet right away.  but oh my god, did my feet really grow in 7 years.  i guess its true what they say that after you give birth you size up on your shoe size after.  i got the Medium shank since i thought i won't be able to break the Hard right.

well i underestimated my feet thats for sure.  i broke my shoe quickly.  i could roll my feet to demi pointe easily.  either the 2007 model is too soft  or my feet are still hard as rocks!

pointe class was good.  i felt at first that i might not be able to dance at all and was quite intimidated by the kids (I'm literally 18years older than them.  i was already dancing as a soloist before they even knew how to say "ballet").  but as it turned out, i got the kids applauding me with my pique turns and everything else.  i still got it!

i can't wait for the next pointe class.  i think though that my shoes will die on me easily.  give it another 4hours of class and its dead for sure.

im so proud of myself.  even with the weight gain, i can still carry myself.  not with the same ease as before but still.  oh and i took double back to back classes that day.  i had to stop on the 2nd class' barre glisse' exercise though because i felt like i was gonna faint.  i was too dehydrated!  i drank half a gatorade bottle and got back pretty quickly for rond de jambe atere exercise.  :)

i hope i get my groove back on in time for may.  if maya plisetskaya can dance on pointes til she was 61, i believe i can go back and dance my way back to my first love.  :)

I've been analyzing my body for the longest time and i know if i can just lose these fatties i know i can go back to my dancing prime.  i recently saw a prima ballerina who still refused to retire on stage, even though she gave herself numerous retirement performances already and my god did the whole audience feel sorry for her as she just can't go up on pointe anymore on some releves no matter how hard she tried.  i had to explain to my husband "she was really super good some 10 or 15years ago when she performed this pas de deux.  ill show you on youtube!"

there really is a time when you know you can't do it anymore and you just have to let it go.  but i can't let it go yet.  my feet still can handle it.  i just have to get back in shape and build my stamina.  i know i still got a good 10years ahead of me if i do this right.  not necessarily go back to performing on stage, but just dance for the love of it.  :)

Tom is the day!

after more than 10years, my friends and i are gonna be reunited in the studio!  we will start tom, taking classes to be back in shape for our reunion concert next year!

so excited to be on my toes tom!  and the best part about it is I'm dancing with my girls!  the best years of my dancing days were with them.  and after they all quit and i was left mostly with the lower batch, it never felt the same. EVER.

we were always commended for looking so synched for so many years.  even the audience in the front row can't tell who's who despite the height differences because we all danced so well together.  everyone back then can attest that we were all breathing, inhaling and exhaling all at the same time!

i so can't wait to share bone cracking sounds with them tom!

as the saying goes, "Once a dancer, Always a dancer!"

and we will be back!  maybe not for good, but back to the good old times for a year at least!  :D

Cutie Pies in the park

last sunday we took the kids to the new park and playground in Highstreet. here are some snaps from the weekend.

the two cuties playing with the chameleon

i asked ELAH to pose for me and this is what i got

they were rolling around the grass and plain having fun

isn't he the cutest?

propped him up the trunk of the montero.  he didnt mind watching the groceries while eating his pop pop

running down the mini mountain

ate and uno 

this was taken saturday.  i wasnt able to join them. 2 consecutive days of playtime!  

i hate the love month

February... oh the love month... NOT!

i've had a roster of badluck in the past.  happened mostly on valentines day.

the biggest unlucky day i had was on valentines day 2006.  i crashed the side of my car to the neighbor's wall.  i was like 5meters away from our gate!  i remember that day entirely.  i wasnt able to eat lunch, i worked til late night, then went through horrible horrible traffic of dating lovers and was so dizzy by the time i reached home.  i remember before i turned the corner i was so excited to get home after a long dizzying traffic drive.  and then bam!

after which i vowed to never ever ever go out on valentines day.  prior to the car mishap of 2006 i remember losing money before. another valentines day i got injured while dancing.  oh and a lot of other unlucky stuff in the other past years.

thats why ive always equated that Feb 14 is my version of Friday the 13th.

i dont know if im still unlucky this year.... definitely i will stay home again on valentines to be sure. except that i have to go to work.  no date with my husband definitely.  weve never gone out on valentines since we got together.   i'd appreciate a bouquet of flowers though. hehe

Creamy Potato soup

Got this recipe over the net.  my husband and i enjoyed it a lot.  kulang nalang daw yung bread bowl like from the restaurants, kabog na kabog daw ng luto ko ang soup nila!

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 1/2 to 2 cups chopped onion
• 1 cup chopped celery
• 2 large carrots, peeled, chopped
• 2 to 3 cups diced ham, about 1 pound
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 cups vegetable broth
• 1 cup water
• 4 to 5 cups peeled and diced potatoes
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 cup half-and-half or whole milk, more if needed to thin
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley, optional
• sliced green onions, for garnish, optional
• shredded Cheddar cheese or Cheddar-Jack blend, for garnish, optional

Preparation:

In a large saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Add onion, celery, carrots, and ham. Cook, stirring frequently, until onions are tender, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for about 1 minute longer. Add vegetable broth and water and potatoes; cover and cook for about 25 minutes, until potatoes are tender. Whisk flour into the heavy cream until smooth; stir into the hot mixture. Stir in the half-and-half or milk. Taste and add salt and pepper, as desired. Mash slightly to thicken and add more milk if needed.

Serve garnished with parsley, sliced green onions, or a little shredded cheese.
Serves 6.

No!

i decided today that one of my new year's resolution is to say No!

I've gained a lot since i started working.  i put partial blame to my officemate who shares his nuts (not his anatomical ones but the sugo packed salted peanuts) to me everyday.

today i've decided to say no.  lets see how long i can put up with it before i give in to his nuts again!  :))

2011 in retro

11 Yays on my 2011
1.  Got accepted in the first job i applied to last august
2.  ELAH now reads better.  i gave up on drilling her to read and use phonics and just let her be.  now she actually loves reading and likes to show off. Uno now walks and talks and does everything cutely.
3.  First family out of the country trip last april.  so happy the kids had their first flight out.
4.  ELAH finally participates again in the school programs.  though she still moves little.  but atleast there's no more crying and just standing like a wallflower on stage.
5.  Uno's party was a total success.  so happy with the outcome.  despite the heavy rains, people actually had fun.
6.  My parents are home for the holidays.  its the best treat ever!
7.  our short boracay vacay.  2days of leave without pay was worth it just to lounge at Sur all day and getting drunk on vodka.
8.  My team are finally warming up on me.  though i still dont have a constant lunchmate, im happy that i can actually share a few laughs with them and talk nonsense sometimes.
9.  i am back to reading.  i actually got farmville and television detoxed.  i just drown myself on books every night.  which is good coz i think im building up my vocabulary again which was stalled for a while.  though my books are piling up.  they wont fit anymore in the bookshelf.
10.  the condo renovated.  atleast my kitchen is not falling anymore.  :)
11.  i am surrounded with awesomeness.  my kids and husband are good pretty much throughout the year.  my parents are awesome sending us everything we could possibly need and not possibly need.  my brothers are to the rescue when i need them and they happen to be available.  friends are forever friends.

11 Boos on my 2011
1.  I was told last november during my 3rd month evaluation that i was recommended for early regularization.  but i'm still waiting to get regularized til now.  an officemate got her early regularization on the same day of her 3rd month evaluation.  can't help but be a bit bitter ocampo.
2.  Uno's skin problems from skin ashtma to the very stubborn impetigo
3.  Uno's very obvious resentment with me since i started working.  adjustment period hasn't ended yet.  he still likes yaya better since i started working.  i have to bribe him with ipad and cellphone to be able to get him at night
4.  i gained 8lbs since i started working in august.  my clothes dont fit anymore and i refuse to buy more big clothes since i hate looking at my closet filled with L and XL clothes.
5. My brother wasnt able to pass the medical board this year.  hopefully next year he gets it!  he is a really good doctor.  its just the test scores dont give him justice when he is in action doing his doctor thingie.
6.  My silent wish for more money.  If only i can poop money, i'd rather stay home with my babies than leave them with my yaya in pekpek shorts.
7.  My ever stubborn skin problems as well.  comes out from stress and weight gain.  sucks really.
8.  some arguments that i wish never happened.  still makes me sad when i remember them.  what can i do, theyre inevitable.
9.  i literally wreaked havoc in the Terminal 2.  i unleashed my inner annabelle rama when cebu pac wanted to bump me and hubby off the flight.
10.  uno lost his left thumbnail.  everyone assures me that it will grow back.  but its been a month now and still nothing.
11.  for all the sickness and the sleepness nights the kids went thru.  it was hard and theres more years ahead of us worrying but hopefully the worse will never come.


12 things to look forward to for 2012
1.  my regularization.  if i wont be granted early regularization, its still coming on feb.  ill just wait i guess.
2.  ballet classes.  i would really love to make time and attend ballet classes again.   or maybe try the aerial dance when the studio opens in strata.
3.  enrolling elah to ballet class.  i get pressured by all the ballet lolas to enroll her.  she just wasn't ready last year.  hopefully this year she is ready.  i need not enroll her with HCSB necessarily, though i would love for her to see the school where i spent my last 20 plus years with and see my old photos, but HC is a bit far and will be a bit of a hassle if i take her there the whole summer.  hopefully toni lopez-gonzalez rates are good.  i think thats where ill take her.
4.  elah's bday party in school.  she had been thinking about it since forever.  everytime she hears i am buying cake, she requests for a huge disney princess themed cake, thinking that its her birthday already.  i hope to make a really happy girl out of her on jan.16.  lola will be there attending too.
5.  uno completing his immunization shots.
6.  jun's regularization
7.  kuya pau hopefully making it to the board exams. and ziggy talking clearly
8.  happy home with zero away.
9.  finding a good school for elah by 3rd quarter of 2012 so that elah reserves a spot for grade 1 in 2013 school year.
10.  uno growing/maturing a bit so i can get more help from yaya.  right now she just watches uno mainly.  and cleaning a little and ironing a little.  if uno wont be a handful anymore nextyear, i would love for her to cook a little too.  it would be nice to come home with cooked food for dinner already.
11.  me trimming down.  i swear i will shop till i drop my skinny ass when i trim myself down.
12.  my parents visiting again next year hopefully.  it really just feels different when they're away.  this year our celebration is simple but everyone is so happy theyre back here.  my dad finally got to meet the 2 baby boys. and elah is spending her whole vacation with them and sleeping beside them at night.


sharing a glimpse of my Yays for 2011....

dalagang filipina

Dalagang filipina was choreographed for me and our whole QCB batch by Tony Fabella back when i was in 3rd or 4th year highschool.  it was our most cherished dance ever.  until now it is still being performed by the QCB after more than 5 batches/generations after us.

proud to say we were the original cast.  we mounted the dance en pointes.  Tito Tony was a total genius.

other ballet schools tried to copy it.  some schools also requested for tito tony to choreograph for them a different version. well, we don't care about it.  we just love the dance.  no comparisons necessary.  until now after  more or less 15years, we can still dance it right on, just not on pointes.

kc found the music in an mp3 website months back.  i couldn't share their joy then because the site was blocked here in my office.  i discovered just today its not blocked if i try accessing it via google chrome.

so now, after waiting for the download to finish for more than 10mins, im listening to it.  and it really brought tears to my eyes dancing it in my head right now.

in this video im one of the blue (luzon) girls.  at the latter performances, i get to do the lead blue also when ate grace was not available.  

http://www.youtu.be/watch?v=qai2ChrcHJc&feature=related

you may see me clearly on the following times:
5:33 to 5:52 - im the blue girl in the middle
7:46 to *:00 - im the lone blue girl in the group part

Presents i got this year. for christmas only!

• technomarine watch
• fitflops
• tory burch bag
• kindle touch
• books

hopefully next year i get the prada bag that i am soooo drooling on for months!  

will i be getting presents for my birthday???  yes nagpapa rinig ako!  :P

Surprise!!!

Yesterday afternoon 5PM Manila time, I received an email from my dad with the subject "HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM PALM DESSERT, CA".  As i saw my email notification at the bottom of the screen pop up with that, I got a little nervous and excited at the same time.  i had a feeling my dad was onto sumtin.

well in the first place, he was supposed to be fast asleep then because it was 1AM California time.

so when i opened my email, i got this...

He meticulously did the font color thingies, which i have to give him props for since he is not that much of a techie.  he must have spent a good 20mins doing just that.

but its not the greeting i was ecstatic about, it was the really small text at the bottom of it!

right then when i read his email i told my boss i will not be reporting for work tom.  its been 2 years since i last saw my dad.  he and my mom left day after the ondoy!  and since then it was only my mom who has been visiting manila.  my dad had been working straight.

god bless his boss bill who let him go on vacation!  i just dont know how long he will be here in manila.  last i heard, he'll be lucky to get 14days maximum for a vacay.  but thats pushing the envelope.  most likely and realistically because of the boss' demands, around 7days.

well, we will take the 7days to see him!

after i took a bath this mornign i found elah folding colored paper into paper boats.  inside she had written our names.  one for me, for her and for lola.  i asked "how about lolo?"  she said "oh yah i forgot.  because i havent seen lolo for a long time.  i just miss him and miss him".  made me decide not to tell her about lolo arriving.  thought it would be nice to give  her a shock tom when lolo comes inside the door!

so i just told her i have a surprise tom.  she asked what it was, i told her i cant tell.  and she said "oh its a secret?" i said yes but i promise it will be really really good!

ELAH's Turkey costume

in my previous post, i showed teacher's email of the sketch of the turkey costume needed for the reading recital.

good thing the recital was moved to dec.17 from dec.3.  gave me ample time to tahi tagpi!  i spent 5hours sewing the wings.  i used 3 layers of felt cloth.  then i attached to it layers and layers of tulle to make it fluffy.  i made pleats with the strips of tulle to make it a little like tutu at the back.  

you can still see my stitches in the pic above.

the flesh leotards and tights, red boots and red bonnet were all store bought.

i made the bib and the beak and the other felt details on her costume.

I was so pleased with ELAH's costume.  may i say she had the best costume in the group of gobbling turkeys? sorry for the yabang.  some had theirs made my a tailor, but it wasn't in any way near from what i created.  the other mothers used cardboards for the wings, but then they didnt follow the color scheme and the design. 

i intentionally did not talk to the moms about elah's costume days or weeks before the show.  i didn't even ask them who will make their kids costume nor ask what materials they were using.  i kept my mouth shut this time to make sure there will be no copycats.  

this is out of topic but i hated a certain mom for deliberately stealing my idea the last time the kids had a project.  earlier this schoolyear during buwan ng wika, the class had a bahay kubo project.  the kids were asked to make their own bahay kubo in 1/4 illustration board using popsicle sticks and other art materials.  elah and i used clays to make some vegetation around her bahay kubo.  we had string beans, kalabasa and others all made from clay. elah and i made it TOGETHER.  we formed clays together, glued the popsicles together. ELAH painted everything for the background. anyways,  so there was this one mom who i was talking to the day before the deadline. she said they made their bahay kubo yet.  she asked me how elah and i did in the bahay kubo, so i told her about the clay part.  the next day, she and her son went to school and i saw her son's project tadtad with CLAY vegetation!  she even proudly admitted to me that my idea was good and she copied it!!! her son didnt even help her make the bahay kubo.  she made it the night she talked to me!   at the end of the month, the projects were judged and her son's bahay kubo with MY vegetation idea won.  her son even got additional grades for it.  and some toy prizes.  i thought it was unfair.  though i didnt tell teacher about it anymore.  im not stooping down her level.

and so i learned my lesson.  after that, i literally shut up when we talk about our kid's projects and whatever.  so this idea stealer mommy turned up last saturday with her son's costume looking crappy.  i was happy it looked like crap but i was irked because her son kept on pulling elah during the performance.  so elah was so confused as to which one was her partner because of this boy who kept pulling elah to his side. ugh!  i am so praying that he transfers next year because he is totally over age anyway!  he is turning 6years old on january!  i have so many things to tell about that boy being such a bully and everyday all day irritating, but lets save it for another entry...  

im still waiting for hubby's pictures and kuya's video of the performance.  but ill share one picture of elah as the gobbling turkey....

  

tagos to the bones

the question "buntis ka ba?" really hits me... tagos to the bones.  except that its hard to salat my bones with these fatties.

while waiting for the elevator, an officemate (who tried to strike up a conversation with me for the first time, and not just our usual hi's and hello's; props to him for even trying) asked my most hated question "buntis ka ba?" and i politely said no.  but he insisted and insisted til the elevator arrived, and when we were on our way down from the 35th floor.  i finally just have to say, "taba lang talaga to..."

i cant blame the people asking because i guess i just really look it...

in the MRT, there are still kind-but-mistaken souls who give up their seats for me.  i on the other hand, just politely accept and thank them.  i'm sorry if i take their seat even if im not pregnant.  i'm just saving myself from more embarrasment by admitting to the whole commuting population that i am just fat, and not pregnant.

i just wish the fatties will go away.

i know i know, i need to work out... its just that my UNO still hasn't adjusted with me working.  he still clings on to  yaya whenever i get home.  so i savor the weekends where i can spend a few hours with him and him smothering me.  because on weekends and at night, he favors yaya more than me.  so i swear, once he starts loving me again regardless what day or time it is, i will go back to my true love, ballet.

really i just need to dance.  its not like i've been making lamon on lechon everyday or something.  my food intake isn't that bad.  ive been walking to and from work everyday (from shaw blvd to emerald ave) but that is just not enough to trim me down.  not even my 1 year old kulit who i run after all the time while were in the mall can give any deduction to my weight.

now im starting to reminisce the good old days when i was thin...

• i look good in anything
• i fit in a size S or M
• i feel really good about myself
• i look like a prima ballerina even with regular clothes on everyday
• stiletto heels are my staples.  i never wiggle in them.  i can wear them day and night

i really want to be back to the thin me again.  much more than my husband/mother/friends/whoever want me to.

below are the pictures of me some 30 or 40lbs ago...

My Little King Corn

Months back he discovered corn on the cob...

and now he found popcorn yum!

he can finish half a bag in one sitting!  Popcorn Monster!

wishlist

DLSU Centennial Jacket; FitFlops; Watch; Kindle; Lisa Harris' Princess at the Ballet album.

ELAH the turkey

teacher sent me via email elah's turkey  costume sketch.  so lets see if my tahi-tagpi skills are still intact!

her reading recital is on dec 3!  i promise this weekend i will be making tahi tagpi all day all night!  :D

EDSA to Cory Aquino Ave? Seriously?

but why?  is that congressman from bohol cant think of something else to do?  publicity stunt ka sir?

imagine how many millions will the government spend on changing all the road signs if this bill gets passed?  filipino's taxpayers money yan oy!  dear congress, don't the taxpayers get a say on this?  please check twitter and see all the hates and the rants!

oh if this gets passed, whats next for the aquinos?  BALLSY International Airport perhaps? oooh no... i gave them an idea to rename! naku pow!

what do i really want for christmas???

Hubby wants to give me this...

my daddy wants to give me this...

add up the values of the watch and the purse, i think i can get

problem is, im too shy to ask my dad to get me this and have hubby pay for the bag.  also, hubby doesnt like the monogram.  he always prefer damier ebene like my speedy.  so its like 3years ago, when we were in the store and he was about to buy me already.  but we couldnt agree on the style.  i wanted the neverfull and he wanted the batignolle.  so now, i want a montorguiel in monogram but he frowns at it so again i cant get a new LV. 

so should i settle for the watch and the tory?  but i am not very fond of hobo bags.  i prefer the robinson tote. my dad got that purse for my mom.  but im not sure why he wants to give it to me?  im really not sure if i like it.

i better make up my mind soon before my mom's flight to here and before hubby spends his budget on his gift for me!  

well to top of my dilemma, i still dont know what to get him.  a kiss wont really do it this time because im working again and all. hehehe