pointe of no return

the past year was quite an adventure. us ballet grandmas working our asses off to get back in shape for the 25th anniversary concert of the quezon city ballet.

everyone said i lost weight, except the weighing scale. for 1 year i was dreaming of looking good onstage, technically and aeshetically. i may nothave trimmed down in size, but everyone said i was still good and as if nothing changed in my dancing.

it was an adventure indeed. i risked of getting fired at work for leaving early and things out of place all the time. my husband and i couldnt agree on a suitable schedule on weekends, bec we dont have a stable babysitter. i was short for cash towards the end because of all the cab i took to and fro every night. my kids longed to see me so instead they wrestle me in their half awake state at the wee nights...

theres all this drama shit in the studio.

but despite all those, being back on stage lit something inside me. after i abruptly quit in 2005, i longed for the performances and late night rehearsals, but silently.  as i became a mother, i was secretly wishing my daughter to continue the ballet i loved my whole life and dance the roles i dreamed but never performed. i was dancing in my head day and night for the past 8 years. no exag.

and the show may be over, but i swear on my dead toe nails, that i will dance again.

its just a lot more complicated being a mom, working, and all that. give me time, ill figure it out. 8 years was long enough not to plie and grand jete.

christmas is coming

my daughter had been doing the countdown since in the teevee it said its 100days left.  every morning as she is preparing for school she will tell how many days left there is.

i still dont want it to be christmas.  for one thing, i dont know if my parents will be here.  im secretly wishing they will be.  but with the state of economy in the US, my dad cant guarantee if he can come home.  i know my mom wants to come and maybe she will, maybe she wont.  but its still not the same without my dad.

second, i still havent saved enough for presents.  my husband and the kids are big on presents.  and i dont have the slightest idea yet what to get them.

third, this year just felt like a drab.  a total drab really.   a lot of people im still not in good terms with.  

fourth, i had this secret hope i will be back to my thin self by december.  but hello, im nowhere near there.  

fifth, i just dont like holidays anymore.  i dont know why.  its not because after christmas its my birthday.  christmas lost its spirit in me already i guess.  the religious in me is non existent at the moment.  though i should get myself together atleast for the kids so i wont ruin it for them.  

i still got it!

last saturday i joined the pointe class in HC.  it has been exactly 7 years since i last wore pointe shoes.  though i gained an awful lot of weight, i know my legs and feet are still strong to handle pointe work.  not being mayabang but i just know it. :D

7 years ago, i last wore Vaganova 4 XX H.  thats a size 4, width 2 (realy narrow and tapered toe box) with a hard shank.   i used to be the only one in QCB to wear grishko's back then since they were really hard and noisy.

now 7 years after, last july, i went around the limited dance stores in manila and couldn't find the perfect shoe for me.  most of the store attendants were unhelpful.  and i was looking for Russian Class entrada or pollete but of course, it wasn't available here.

so i settled for Grishko 2007 5 XXXX M.  when i fit it in the studio, they fit perfectly on my feet.  a little too wide on the box compared to what i was used to dance with, but hey, the shank felt good.  and it molded to my feet right away.  but oh my god, did my feet really grow in 7 years.  i guess its true what they say that after you give birth you size up on your shoe size after.  i got the Medium shank since i thought i won't be able to break the Hard right.

well i underestimated my feet thats for sure.  i broke my shoe quickly.  i could roll my feet to demi pointe easily.  either the 2007 model is too soft  or my feet are still hard as rocks!

pointe class was good.  i felt at first that i might not be able to dance at all and was quite intimidated by the kids (I'm literally 18years older than them.  i was already dancing as a soloist before they even knew how to say "ballet").  but as it turned out, i got the kids applauding me with my pique turns and everything else.  i still got it!

i can't wait for the next pointe class.  i think though that my shoes will die on me easily.  give it another 4hours of class and its dead for sure.

im so proud of myself.  even with the weight gain, i can still carry myself.  not with the same ease as before but still.  oh and i took double back to back classes that day.  i had to stop on the 2nd class' barre glisse' exercise though because i felt like i was gonna faint.  i was too dehydrated!  i drank half a gatorade bottle and got back pretty quickly for rond de jambe atere exercise.  :)

i hope i get my groove back on in time for may.  if maya plisetskaya can dance on pointes til she was 61, i believe i can go back and dance my way back to my first love.  :)

I've been analyzing my body for the longest time and i know if i can just lose these fatties i know i can go back to my dancing prime.  i recently saw a prima ballerina who still refused to retire on stage, even though she gave herself numerous retirement performances already and my god did the whole audience feel sorry for her as she just can't go up on pointe anymore on some releves no matter how hard she tried.  i had to explain to my husband "she was really super good some 10 or 15years ago when she performed this pas de deux.  ill show you on youtube!"

there really is a time when you know you can't do it anymore and you just have to let it go.  but i can't let it go yet.  my feet still can handle it.  i just have to get back in shape and build my stamina.  i know i still got a good 10years ahead of me if i do this right.  not necessarily go back to performing on stage, but just dance for the love of it.  :)

Tom is the day!

after more than 10years, my friends and i are gonna be reunited in the studio!  we will start tom, taking classes to be back in shape for our reunion concert next year!

so excited to be on my toes tom!  and the best part about it is I'm dancing with my girls!  the best years of my dancing days were with them.  and after they all quit and i was left mostly with the lower batch, it never felt the same. EVER.

we were always commended for looking so synched for so many years.  even the audience in the front row can't tell who's who despite the height differences because we all danced so well together.  everyone back then can attest that we were all breathing, inhaling and exhaling all at the same time!

i so can't wait to share bone cracking sounds with them tom!

as the saying goes, "Once a dancer, Always a dancer!"

and we will be back!  maybe not for good, but back to the good old times for a year at least!  :D

Cutie Pies in the park

last sunday we took the kids to the new park and playground in Highstreet. here are some snaps from the weekend.

the two cuties playing with the chameleon

i asked ELAH to pose for me and this is what i got

they were rolling around the grass and plain having fun

isn't he the cutest?

propped him up the trunk of the montero.  he didnt mind watching the groceries while eating his pop pop

running down the mini mountain

ate and uno 

this was taken saturday.  i wasnt able to join them. 2 consecutive days of playtime!  

i hate the love month

February... oh the love month... NOT!

i've had a roster of badluck in the past.  happened mostly on valentines day.

the biggest unlucky day i had was on valentines day 2006.  i crashed the side of my car to the neighbor's wall.  i was like 5meters away from our gate!  i remember that day entirely.  i wasnt able to eat lunch, i worked til late night, then went through horrible horrible traffic of dating lovers and was so dizzy by the time i reached home.  i remember before i turned the corner i was so excited to get home after a long dizzying traffic drive.  and then bam!

after which i vowed to never ever ever go out on valentines day.  prior to the car mishap of 2006 i remember losing money before. another valentines day i got injured while dancing.  oh and a lot of other unlucky stuff in the other past years.

thats why ive always equated that Feb 14 is my version of Friday the 13th.

i dont know if im still unlucky this year.... definitely i will stay home again on valentines to be sure. except that i have to go to work.  no date with my husband definitely.  weve never gone out on valentines since we got together.   i'd appreciate a bouquet of flowers though. hehe

Creamy Potato soup

Got this recipe over the net.  my husband and i enjoyed it a lot.  kulang nalang daw yung bread bowl like from the restaurants, kabog na kabog daw ng luto ko ang soup nila!

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 1/2 to 2 cups chopped onion
• 1 cup chopped celery
• 2 large carrots, peeled, chopped
• 2 to 3 cups diced ham, about 1 pound
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 cups vegetable broth
• 1 cup water
• 4 to 5 cups peeled and diced potatoes
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 cup half-and-half or whole milk, more if needed to thin
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley, optional
• sliced green onions, for garnish, optional
• shredded Cheddar cheese or Cheddar-Jack blend, for garnish, optional

Preparation:

In a large saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Add onion, celery, carrots, and ham. Cook, stirring frequently, until onions are tender, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for about 1 minute longer. Add vegetable broth and water and potatoes; cover and cook for about 25 minutes, until potatoes are tender. Whisk flour into the heavy cream until smooth; stir into the hot mixture. Stir in the half-and-half or milk. Taste and add salt and pepper, as desired. Mash slightly to thicken and add more milk if needed.

Serve garnished with parsley, sliced green onions, or a little shredded cheese.
Serves 6.