christmas is coming

my daughter had been doing the countdown since in the teevee it said its 100days left.  every morning as she is preparing for school she will tell how many days left there is.

i still dont want it to be christmas.  for one thing, i dont know if my parents will be here.  im secretly wishing they will be.  but with the state of economy in the US, my dad cant guarantee if he can come home.  i know my mom wants to come and maybe she will, maybe she wont.  but its still not the same without my dad.

second, i still havent saved enough for presents.  my husband and the kids are big on presents.  and i dont have the slightest idea yet what to get them.

third, this year just felt like a drab.  a total drab really.   a lot of people im still not in good terms with.  

fourth, i had this secret hope i will be back to my thin self by december.  but hello, im nowhere near there.  

fifth, i just dont like holidays anymore.  i dont know why.  its not because after christmas its my birthday.  christmas lost its spirit in me already i guess.  the religious in me is non existent at the moment.  though i should get myself together atleast for the kids so i wont ruin it for them.